I never was that kind of person anyway. I'm not made for that kind of relationship. Having boyfriend(s), bestfriend(s)... not my thing. I was just waiting for the one and only to come, but, maybe I don't have one. But I guess we can't force the futur, we can't build it ourself either. I've lost my bestfriends today and I'm hurt as fuck. It's funny you know, because I loved them very much. I still do, I guess. But I shouldn't, I shouldn't waste my time with people who don't even care about me. But I can't help it, I was by their sides for the three last years, how am I even supposed to forget everything about them that easily ? I'm trying so hard but I'm so hurt in the same time. I'm trying so hard but I'm never the one.
This year, I knew I'll loose some people I used to call friend. I didn't really care, thinking that's how life was. I thought my girls will be by my side all over my road. I was so damn wrong, once again. I thought they cared about me just the same way I did about them, I'm so stupid. So damn stupid. Still don't believe that I truly thought I could have bestfriends or some bullshit like this. I'm gonna say it again : I'm not made for love or friendship. Why do I still hope ?
My little girl, almost eight years you and I were friends, now we're just strangers. The worst ? You don't even care, I do too much. How can you forget about all theses years that easily ? Give me the answer because I need it today and I swear to you I will ignore you forever then. I wish I could, but I can't. I'm too damn emotional. When I remember how you used to love me... at least you were pretending. Eight fucking years and you just left me for nothing, like I was shit. You are all thinking I'm shit, just hanging out with me when no one's around. I'm your favorite seconde choice, once again.
The first occasion they get to kick me out, they did. That's what hurts the most : I didn't thought it would happen. I'm so stupid I swear. Now I just realized that I can't fight against it, I will never find someone who will care about me more than everybody else, just not a thing for me. I guess I'm just suppose to accept it.
I dream about a life I will never have, I'm writing stories I just wish I could try in the real life. Just gonna enjoy the time I still can as everyone's second choice, it seems like it's my place in this motherfucking world.
( 2012 - 2015 )
I'm shaking a bit, but I'm okay
No the truth is...
I still hate you, you who left me
My cold heart is still missing you.
How can I smile brightly ?
If you'll look closely, I am sad.
The friendship of my young days is ending like this
You have to be happy
Even if a long time passes by, we'll still remember each other